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[08 Jul 2004|11:24pm] |
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Old journal, just reminding everyone to delete this one, and add fabulous_x
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| Just broken |
[17 Jun 2004|07:29pm] |
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mood |
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</333 Not complete |
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music |
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Broken-Seether |
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I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well.
Wow, I’m listening to that song and I have the grossest feeling in my belly. Like it’s filled with nervousness and butterflies. *siigh..* :( Wow, I’ve been messing up alot lately. I dont know what it is, maybe the self-confidence loss or just being a big mouth. I hope by next year I learn, but it’s too late. It’s just too late to clean this mess up. I want you all to know you mean the world to me, and although my actions may fight againet this statement, I would never purposly hurt any of you. I’m sorry.
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| Two days baby! I LOVE PARIS HILTON. |
[15 Jun 2004|06:19pm] |
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mood |
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</3 Fading |
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music |
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Hanging by a moment |
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And this is no longer about doing what’s right. I can’t keep it underneath my skin forever, but right now, this is for the best. Until I figure out the way to control the feelings beyond the surface, the way to follow the hearts beats, and never let it break again, until it’s out of my control, beyond what’s my fault. I hate making mistakes that can cost a whole lot more than you can handle losing. I can’t bare to think about it. On one hand, I can count every reason to let everything out, but the cost will be so much more than I could ever take in at one time. I’d break, but that’s the same on the other side of this terrible nightmare, they’ll feel the same. Worse. This isn’t really about me, I don’t know why I’m being so selfish. I just wish this weight wasn’t upon my shoulders, because my brain and my heart are telling me two different sides of the story and I can’t choose. I don’t want to choose. I wish all of this would just fade away, or that I’d wake up from this nightmare and I’d know everything would be okay. I wish I was dreaming. How do you know which way to twist when each way seems to be a dead end. No right way to go, each end turns into a black hole that you’re sinking into and there’s no way to get out. It’s trapping you. You’re body doesn’t seem to want to wake up in the morning, for fear of the truth slipping between the lies lips. Fearing what could be lost each and everyday, because the truth is still hiding. You can run, but you can’t hide. I want to stop running but can I? This can’t just disapear, this burden will always remain on the tip of the ledge, waiting to be moved, told, refreshed. I hate sad songs upon the radio. They always seem to be there when I just need a good rock and roll song. All these love songs, I hear enough about from the truth, but what does the lier have to sing? The lier sings words of love, truth and the future, but truly doesn’t mean a thing, but many people fall for the lie. The truth sings about love, truth and the future also, but means it. Adores the lier, would do anything to keep it in it’s arms, but sometimes, it’s going to have to believe it’s surrouinding, and face the facts, nothing is perfect and people are almost never what they seem. Can I do this?
No.
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| I hope you know, your my favourite thing about the west coast. |
[14 Jun 2004|03:18pm] |
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mood |
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</3 Bahh.. |
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music |
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Gotta have faith |
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Begging, please please please dont go away.*
Hmph. I'm so hungover, it's deadly. Boooo. I want my underwear. They arent even mine, they're my sisters. :( And she loves them. Aww, I lost my sisters favorite undies. I feel sad and.. oh so hungover. Ohh.. fabulous
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| Gotta have faith. |
[13 Jun 2004|05:28pm] |
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mood |
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Hungover, but <333 |
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music |
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Boys |
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Well well, last night went better than I thought it would. I thought I’d be a mess, but I wasn’t. I only came close to tears once. :) It just upsets me thinking about next year.. without them. Agh. I don’t want to get into that. Grad ceremonies were good, sort of boring. “Oooh, they’re gettin freaky.” Haha, for fucks sake. Too funny. After we got to Elyses from the ceremonies we chugged wine in like one second, aha and then headed uptown, meet up with Corby and ‘the posse’ hahah, and we headed up to CHELSEAS. Ew. Me, Elyse and Bradon chilled outside in Mikes car.. wew and then Allan, Greg, Smurf (n) and Mike came back and fogged up the windows with us. HAHAHA! Good fuckin times. “Uhm, anyone who isn’t invited has to leave.” Aw, poor girl. Get some guts:) Aaha, yah I don’t feel like writing all of last nights events, haha. But there we go. Eh. I’m bored :) Elyse! Hurry your ass up and call me.
Peace! xoxo
*I wish that I could touch your body, but I know that not everybody has a body like you.*
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| It feels like Friday. |
[11 Jun 2004|05:41pm] |
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mood |
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</3 Bored |
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music |
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Happy Ending-Avril Lavigne |
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I want your body, not your heart.
Egh. Today has gone by extremly slow slash.. fast? Yes. Fast. Plain old day at school, I was impressed he decided to invite me to his birthday.. ‘bash.’ Hahah. Butcha know, I don’t think I’m gonna head over there unless I talk to him before. I’d feel dumb. I got him the best smelling cologne ever! As in, ever ever ever.. FOOOOOREVER. *Giggles* and and and, get this. I got him Faaabulous boxers. They’re silky.. oooooh, and they’re black with lotsa red harts. Mmm:) They’ll look good with his nice booty. :O! I will give it to him tomorrow though. Agh. He’s gonna be drunk, and Laurens gonna be there, and he wants a peice on his birthday obviously.. and there’s only gonna be Lauren there who he’ll think of getting some from. Oh booooy. Aha. Anyways, today I left at lunch to go to Nelson. Fun stuff.. nah. I want it to be summer! WTF is with this weather. Psssh. I’m soooooo bored. I’ll probably just end up sleeping by 8 o’clock. Ooh, I got elastics. Ew. But luckily, I only have to wear them 12 hours a day, so I can wear them at night. Thank goodness. They’re silly and so tight. Bah. I’m excited for the Oscars.. oops, no. I mean.. the grade 9 drama class showcase. HAHAHA. Danika, Kala and I are all the hosts. Genna be good times. Nothin left to say, so toodaloo! xoxo
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| Whoa |
[09 Jun 2004|07:42pm] |
nose:kllli8p0-ttttttglloosssse_x
elbow: l;ipghbl,kolpoosddserfdf_cx
tongue: lllllllipglossed_x
chin: l;ikp[ghloxsdsdx43d_x
feet: lipglossd_x
eyes closed and one finger: lipgloddrf+x
back of hand: lipgv;lpcssed_x
palm: l;iop[h;lopssd_d
mouse: i dont get it.. mouse?
whoa im good. i couldnt do the last one ,it was just jiberish. so i deleted it.
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| Heart of Glass |
[09 Jun 2004|07:34pm] |
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mood |
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</3 Heartbroken |
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music |
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Broken-Seether ft. Amy Lee |
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Sometimes, when you’re having a feeling, the feeling like this is the worst day ever and when you come to your family, hoping for open arms and a ton of support from home, it’s the worst thing you can do. Today I really needed that but, for the first time in so long they just kind of shrugged me off and it seemed like every chance they had, they’d make little comments on how dumb i was, or how pathetic. Stupid comments like that. Things that shouldn’t mean a thing but on a day like today, you can’t do much more than care. Everything is so wrong. It changed so quickly. Everything was so right, and then with a blink of an eye, it changed. I know, I know, I’m over-dramatic. Deal with it, cuz right now I don’t care. I’m writing this, so deal. Today I really needed my dad. He’s off working of course, I really don’t know where but boy, do I need him right now. He’s so strong and always on my side, even though he knows he shouldn’t be. He hates to see me cry and he won’t leave me until he KNOWS I’m okay. Egh. Please come home. So I’m back to the addiction. I thought I was off of it, and it was all okay but turns out, I’m not and I don’t know why. I hate not knowing why. Why. Why. Why! The worst question, where there’s really no answers for alot of them. All of the ‘whys’ in life. Hum. Maybe I’ll figure this all out, I just wish I had realized sooner what this was going to do to me. Ugly. Just plain ugly. No, I’m not talking about me, I’m not that pity filled. Yuck. I guess some things are better left alone, rather than brought up and turned into a fight. Some people like to think I like to pick fights. Fuck you. You don’t know a thing. Sometimes it’s just so hard to keep all my little thoughts into my head, and not saying anything about it. It’s a curse that I’m learning to live with, because it only gets me into trouble but I just hate this. We went for a drive today, talked about castlegar again. My sister likes it there too. Ah boy. Time to shower, again. Boy, I’m clean. xoxo
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| So much for always caring. |
[09 Jun 2004|04:26pm] |
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and you promised you’d always have my back. everything is changing. no. more fading than changing. i hate that. i wish everything would go back to how it was. ah! i hate this. maybe crowe next year. maybe. or maybe castlegar is a good idea. i know i cant run away from losing people, or from people fading away, but when promises are made, and things arent the same. at the end of the day, thats what i want. a clean slate. mm, this sucks. why do people bother promising something so strong, something worth more than my family and some guy. friends first. always. i hate when people break promises.
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| Do it! |
[07 Jun 2004|01:10pm] |
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New obsession; Marykate and Ashley. It’s weird. Hahah, I hated them soo much and then all of a sudden I’m in love with them. Ahahah. Cool eh. Wew. I’m bored and I miss him in a really annoying way. Peace! xoxo
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| Weew.. |
[01 Jun 2004|07:42pm] |
*What time is it: 7:07 PM
*Real Name: Stevie
*Nick names: Sewee. . bout it.
*Where do you live: Fruitvale
*Do u like it there: Naah, only one thing I like about it. <33 ;)
*Your b-day and sign: November. 2 annd I’m a Scorpio
*Eye color: Blue, yellow, green annd silver, I think that’s it. Who knows!
*Hair color: Blooonde
*what are u wearing: Pink sweats and a black t-shirt
*Any future goals and aspirations: Famous and rich!
DO YOU HAVE:
*Pets: Kydd.. but she died.
*Any belly button lint: I don’t think I have ever had belly button lint. Badass.
*Tattoos: I wish!
*Piercing: Ears and my belly button
*Toe jam: Naah
*Bf/Gf: Not really
*Car: Durango and a few trucks
*Food with you: Nothin
*Siblings: 1 sister
*Sex toys: So many, I got a drawer full. Hahaha, jk! Bring the sex toys! Ahah
*Childrens toys: Barbie!
*Hideous warts that resemble Bob Barker: Elyse! Yes you do!! That one on your fuckin leg. ;)
*Any crushes: Uh huh! <333
DO YOU:
*Like surveys: I suppose
*Conform: Inhaps?
*Sleep with stuffed animals: At times.
*Scream often: You betcha
*Talk to inanimate objects: Yaaah..
*Know what RHPS stands for: Herpies
*Like sleep: I love sleep
*Pick your nose: Sometimes, depends on how bad it needs to be picked. AHAHA. Joking
*Pick your friend's noses: I wish
*Like porno: Omg, yes! Especially lesbian porn. Hahaha, fuck that
*Hate the olson twins: Nope
*Eaten plastic: Not swallowed it
*Had sex with the same sex: No..
*Had sex with the opposite sex: Nope
*Had sex with inanimate objects: You let me know what inanimate means, and I will let you in on a little somethin somethin
*Regretted saying something: Not really, more on the not saying it typa thing
*Been in love: Ew.
*Chewed on a pen so long that ink leaked in your mouth: Gah. No
*Skinny-dipped: Yep
*Prostituted yourself: Depends on what you mean by that.. Joking
*Played a musical instrument: Ahahha!
*Called some one a nazi: Dun dun dun, what is a nazi?
*Mooned anyone: Yep!
*Dressed in drag: Ahaha, well only by myself..
*Passed out: Egh. Dont re...mind.. me?
*Wrecked a car: Nah
*Gotten into a fight: Only mine and Elyses socials fights.
*Visited a porn site: All the time. Got em listed in my favourites. Wow, I sound like a creep. Only jokes people, only jokes.
*Had cyber sex: Haha! WTF. No
*Questioned your religious beliefs: Nah, I think I’ve always been anti-religion
*Played with treasure trolls: Never heard of em
*Seen a faerie: Yup!
*Coated your entire body in jello: MMM:D I wanna!
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE:
*Beverage: Chocolate Milk and 7up
*Food: Like anything
*Candy: Hmm, everythang!
*Shoe: Depends, stilletos are hawt.
*Car: A pink truck.
*Deodorant: Who cares, I like the non-scented stuff though.
*Newspaper: Booo
*Comic: Archie comics
*Infomercial: That’s a big n-o.
*Animal: Dooonoo, lots!
*Flower: Pink and white roses. “I told him you like pink roses.” “No, that’s what you like.” Hahah
*Band: Hmm, Spice Girls
*CD: All Spice Girls ones, Stripped.. tons.
*Videogame: I’m so hardcore, I have blisters. Martio Party!
*Color: (s) Pink, Yellow and Green
*Flavor of ice cream: Chocolate chip cookie dough
*Movie: ANYTHING WITH MEL GIBSON <-- I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!!
AND RICHARD GERE.. annnd DROP DEAD FRED
*Cartoon: Egh.
*Phrase or saying: Badass
*Month: December maybe. Who cares
*Activity: Booozin
*Place to be: Out and about with people I adore
*Weather: Either rain or sunshine
*Body part: Eyes, smiles and bum.. :):) Got myself a prize possesion bum “boyfriend”
*Book: Dont even
*Vegetable: Celery.. is celery a vegetable?
*piece of jewelry: Ankles and toe rings.
*Thing to watch people do: MAKEOUT! Hahaha!!!!! Jk.. kinda.. =P
*Website: Depends, probably my cousins or Renees.
*Radio station: Pfft, get outta here!
*Store: Garage I’d hafta say. Urban Outfitters too.
*Play/musical: Grease
*Thing about you: My eyes, besides the shape
THIS OR THAT
*Innie or outie: Innie
*Crotons or bacon bits: Neither
*Rain or sun: Rain and Sun..
*Sandals or shoes: Sandals, depending on the situation.
*Tank tops or t shirts: Depending how cute the tank top or the tshirt is:)
*Platforms or high heels: High heels.
*Sex: public or private: PUBLIC. AS IN ON THE DANCE FLOOR BABY! Make me gag.
*Reality or illusion: Illusion is always nice.. but you cant live an illusion forever so it’s better to stick with reality and not get to caught up in illusions. *Illusion never changed, into something real*
*Cats or dogs: Wittle ones!
*Fish or ferrets: Goldfish named freckles.
*Prom or morp: Interseting..
*Lust or love: Lust
*Drama queen or apathetic: Drama Queen
HOW OFTEN DO YOU:?
*Take a shower: Every mornin
*Brush your teeth: Three
*Eat dog food: Depends on the type of dog food. Jokin
*File your nails: When they’re fake and gettin too long, which is alot of the time, so yea.
*Clip your toe nails: My toe nails like.. don’t grow.
*Masturbate: Twice a day. JK! Never!
*Read: When I have a magazine.. sometimes I just “read” the pictures though.
*Commit hell worthy sins: Too much
*Commit acts of kindness: Well.. I donno
*Tell people you love them: All of the time!
*Eat celery: Every day
*Wear a hat: In my house like everyday cuz I rock
*Dance: All the time
*Sing: Too often
*Purposely vomit: GROSS!
WHAT IS THE MOST:
*Embarrassed youve ever been: Hmm, couldn’t tell ya.
*Scared youve ever been: Saturday morning
*Happiest you've ever been: Lots of times with my friends, they’re always good times, and Feb. 14
*Saddest you've ever been: April. 29 I think, or saturday
*Craziest you've ever been: Oh wow! Always!
*Stupidest you've ever been: Ahah, too often
HOW MANY:
*Licks does it take you to get to the center of a tootsie pop: 90
*Times have you failed written exams: 5639867234
*Shots of whiskey would it take to get you drunk: like 1. Hahah
*Gallons of water do you waste a day: What?
*Cows had to die to feed you: Une half. I don’t know what cow is, like what type of meat cow is?
*Babies will you plague the world with: That baby question scares me..
*Push ups and sit ups can you do before vomiting: 10090
*Hours of TV do you watch a week: Not often
*Hours a week do u spend on the computer: 1523698 Hahah
*Nipples do u REALLY have: ...6 =$ JK! 2
*Times have you had sex: 0
*Sex partners have you had: 0
*People have you pissed off your entire life, take a guess: Likeee.. 2894829
WHAT IS THE LONGEST YOU:
*Gone without a shower: Two days I think, when I was really sick
*Sat and watched TV: Like an hour, so boring
*Slept: Looong
*Had sex: Zero seconds
*Masturbated: Never
*Ran: Like one second=P
*Ate: Oh god, like 6 hours straight every day
*Sat around staring, with nothing else to do: 2358771358
FRIENDS
*How many best friends do you have: Liike.. 3
*Who knows the most about you: Elyse
*Who hangs out with you the most: Elyse
*Who is the goofiest: Alison and Haley
*The smartest: Andrea
*The wittiest: What does witty mean?
*Most courageous: Donno!
*Most obsessed with something: =O I’m not tthaaat obsessed..
*Easily fascinated: ELYSE! Right back atcha baby! Weew. You don’t understand how me and elyse work!
*Funniest when they are drunk: Like I remember
*Sexiest: Ahah, Corby
*Most talkative: Everyone!
*Most popular: That’s awfully rude
*Most feminine: HHAHAHAHAHAHA
*Most masculine: Donno!
*Best to walk and talk with: Elyse
*Who do you miss the most at the moment: Hmm.. Paris Hilton. <333 Come back to my TV screen. I Loooove you and I missss youu!! <333
DID YOU KNOW:
*Porcupines are the only other animals besides humans that
masturbate: HOW DO THEY MASTURBATE? I WANNA SEE!
*Dolphins are the only other mammals that have sex for pleasure?: Hahahaha
*Heinz 57 was a number chosen from an elevator panel: Ok..
IN A POTENTIAL MATE:
*Best eye color: <333 Bright blue with grey and green.
*Tall or short: Taller
*Skinny or built: Built
*Pale or tan: R..tan
*Hairy or smooth: Neither!
*Big or dainty hands: Big
*Best conversation subject: Anything if they’re badass
*Religion: Not like hardcore religion, cuz I dont belive in any of that stuff, but whatever they believe in, that’s cool.
*Outgoing or not: Outgoing
*Hair color: Brown I guess, depends
*Athletic, artsy, or intelligent: Athletic
*Describe a brief statement of your perfect mate: Funny, outgoing, talkative, but not too talkative, cares about me.
*Does god exist: No. But that’s just my beliefs.
*Does life have a divine purpose: Maybe I’ll find out one day
*How strongly is society based on looks: Too much
*What are the three major things that need to be met in the world, and how
would you suggest going about fixing them : The list could go on forever.
THE ENDING
*Did you enjoy this survey at all: Passed some time.
*Are you glad its over: A little
*What time is it: 7:41 P.M
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| MISTAKEN, hahaha |
[01 Jun 2004|07:06pm] |
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Oops! I didnt get when it said first best friend. My first best friend waaas.. Alex I thinkk
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| Dun dun dun, there you go Elysia |
[01 Jun 2004|07:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 awake |
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music |
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Blink 182 |
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do your roses smell like poo? nope. they smell fabulous.
what is your grandmas name? maxine
favourite kinda kiss? kisses with biting, or neck kissing. nah, kisses with biting
geekiest thing about you? uhm.. just all of me. im a dork.
you wish..? that he would hurry up and call
what is the most youve ever drank? dont even! ahah, more than a mickey.
have you ever been loser pissed? not until friday
what is the best party youve been to? connors i’d have to say
who was your first best friend? i consider alot of people my best friends, but i guessssssssss elyse. haha, joking! .. about the i gueeessssss part i mean.
what do you like on your toast? i dont like toast.
on your pizza you like..? cheese.
favourite memory? febuary 14th and lots of others!
worst time of your life? friday
best time of your life? tons of times!
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| Hurts so good |
[31 May 2004|01:33pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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Thornley-Hurts so good |
] |
“I’ve been in more laps than a napkin.”
Hehe, cute little quote. Quite pervocative! :O! Yeeeow. I feel soo much better today. Yesterday, things couldn’t get worse. First I wake up, still drunk, at 6:30, with this massive bump on my head and my arms all scratched up, and then he tells me he got with someone else, an “old friend” to be exact. Egh. But then Elyse and Alison came down and I felt soo much better. Thanks you guys, I love you! So today, no hangover. Well this morning a bit, but I took some tylenol and I feel a ton better. I still can barely eat though, but it’s all good. Me and my mommy are headin over to the park and we’re gonna grab a hot dog or something and then go on the train ride to the falls. I’m excited. My sister, my mommy and I. I can’t wait to see them, I like just found out that we had falls here. Craaaazy. I feel like shopping till I drop! Well, I always feel like that, but I have a sudden annoyance to do so. Laalaaa! I’m bored. So bored. Whoooly, I’m watching “Faking it” and they say intimidated.. intimdating.. yada yada. But this entry sucks. Goodbye slut. <333
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| Bitch |
[30 May 2004|08:55pm] |
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mood |
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Dead |
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music |
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Yellowcard |
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I didn't write this, but I love it. Speaks well and reflects on me alot.
When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch. When I standd up for those I love, they call me a bitch. When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch. Being a bitch means I won’t compromise what’s in my heart. It means I live my life my way. It means I won’t allow anyone to step on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak againest it, I am defined as a bitch. The same things happen when I take him for myself instead of being everyone’s maid, or when I act a little selfish. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won’t become anyone else’s idea of what they think I should be. I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that. So try and stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won’t succeed and if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to hear it. Babe In Total Control of Herself. Go ahead, call me a bitch.
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[30 May 2004|10:36am] |
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I can't believe I broke her heart..
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| You seem to move on easy |
[28 May 2004|06:28pm] |
I hate all these pretty little addictions. The one’s that look so nice. So soothing and they make you feel so peaceful, but you know. You just know, deep inside, it’s the worst thing for you. I wish this addiction would just go away. I’ve never came across something like this. Something you crave but hate. Something so deadly, but so beautiful. Anyways, on to something new.
Ew. Celery is so gross. I want to cry. Katy made me craze sunflower seeds, but I’m stuck with celery. So, the good ol’ Hoedooown tomorrow. I’m pretty excited I’d have to say. Just got my nails done. Smokin’. I love this rain. Wow. It’s so.. mm, fabulous. I have nothing to write. Elyse, I haven’t talked to you since after school. If you read this, bring your curling iron tomorrow to school and all of your clothes. AKA. ALL YOUR PANTS! I love you slut!
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lipglossd_x's journal
